HOW TO HANDLE DEFEAT

Defeat is one of the subjects that many people don’t like to talk about unless they've achieved success or some sense of satisfaction after experiencing it.  We know people feel defeated at times but seldom hear practical ways to overcome it. 

We often hear "failure is not an option"... (I remember saying this to myself recently) or "Do it right the first time".

But what happens when you experience defeat?

We have personal relationship failures, and the principles of how we have personally handle defeat could apply to any failure.  However, I would like to focus on the area of defeat in our professional lives.  

My husband was a successful business owner from the age 23.  However, after 10 years in an unstable partnership, he decided to get out.  He was semi-retired for 5 years expecting a large sum of money that would have set us up for decades. When the time came, the contract went unfulfilled due to the real estate market crash, and a 7-figure payday turned into a 6-figure debt which led us to foreclosure and bankruptcy.  In addition to that, and with his full support, I attempted another business I thought was my calling.  Within a short time we found ourselves in complete defeat once more.  With all the financial struggles, our Spiritual life and marriage came frighteningly close to being defeated as well.  My husband pursued a new career while I am still in that process.  We have tried the "starting all over again" more than once and I admit not one of the times has been easy.  It also feels like we are still in pursuit of that all-time comeback- If that even exists!  Whether it's financially, personally, health-wise... we face defeats.  We are often on the go toward the next achievement and very likely facing defeat more than we like to admit.  When it comes to our personal experience with defeat the first thing we can do to get a better handle of them is to let go of trying to be "successful" unless success means personal growth. We ought to remember that even though we face many successes in life, we hardly stay at the top.  When we keep an open mind to seeing progress in our personal growth as the definition of success, there is fruitfulness.  Defeats will then be handled much more effectively.          

                  Let's look at defeat more as a learning curve.

Even though we want to avoid defeat and all the emotions that come from it like pain, shame, guilt or regret, there is simply no way to avoid to defeat.  

If we are living and breathing, we are likely to experience defeat in some area of our lives.  It isn't a matter of will it happen but rather when will it happen.  

As someone who likes to see the positive side of things (the glass half full), I also want to be realistic,  practical and grow in the process.  I now prefer to see defeat as the precursor for experience it WILL bring with it.

Think of defeat as a great teacher!  

Begin to open your mind, to open your heart so you can see what perhaps Life is trying to teach you.

As I look back, I've learned many valuable lessons I wouldn’t have learned any other way.  It's helped me to develop my character and empowered me in the steps I'd later take.

Though, it is never easy dealing with the negative emotions that come with it.  We must address these emotions and allow time to grieve the consequences instead of running from them.

I'd like to share how I have learned to handle our defeats and I pray that it can help you or someone you love to do the same.  

First thing I want to say is to keep in mind that it’s okay to be angry.

It is also okay and very important to take some time out in healthy solitude.  

Think of whenever you review a test from school to look at what you got wrong.  Take some time to look at the big picture from beginning to end.  

During this time, allow yourselves to think of the what if’s, the should’ves and the could’ves.  Life's decisions aren't always black or white. This exercise can allow you to think critically in order to help with making better decisions next time.

Once you have done that, forgive yourself for whatever you regret that you could've or should've done differently or if at all.  Then, receive Almighty's forgiveness!  I learned I am harder on my self than God is.

If someone let you down, forgive them also.  If you feel you need to apologize in person, do it!  I also realized that people are much more forgiving than we give them credit for.

Remember that it is okay to question things, people or God.  

However, if or when you question God, address Him directly through prayer about any and all your questions. Then, allow time to listen for His answer, direction or conviction without time constraints.

When you are ready to, be intentional about surrounding yourselves with people who love and care about you.  Allow yourself to feel and be vulnerable with friends, family or coworkers you trust.  Hear them out, in love, so that you can be encouraged to arise from within.  

You'll be surprised at the amount of people who don't even know you, but will cheer you on from defeat to a successful attitude when you open yourself up to vulnerability!  As you do this with a willing and open heart, you'll learn to embrace your weaknesses and become stronger because of it.

We don't always like to hear what others have to say to us, but it is important to listen and consider it all as you press on.  Often, what we don't like to hear is exactly what we need to hear to help strengthen us and make changes.  When we allow Life to teach us through through whichever means, experience or people, we become much more resilient.  We begin to see a value in the lesson and receive a divine education no amount of money can buy.  

When we look at a failure as something that happens because we are ready to grow, instead of a setback, we can seize the opportunity self evaluate.  With a teachable spirit, we can implement lifestyle changes to correct what's been broken within us and around us.

In summary for when defeat comes:

open your heart to the lesson 

because we never ever stop learning 

- we are ever becoming... 

the sooner you get this the better!

Defeat can teach new knowledge of who you are and what you want as well as who you aren't and what you don't want.

Defeat can teach you areas to strengthen within you and give you courage.

Defeat can teach you how to master anxious thoughts and give you peace.

Defeat can teach you to relinquish control of some things - to rely on God as He works them out.

Defeat can make God real in our lives and teach us that He is sovereign over all as we learn to trust Him.

Defeat can help us build confidence, assertiveness, reassurance and authority.

In my experience, the best way to handle defeat is to look at it as an opportunity to exercise and grow in areas of optimism, hope, trust, faith and even love.

Welcome defeat and DEFEAT IT!