When we're young, some of us are all about aesthetics for the wrong reasons. In my early 20s, I sought a quick, surgical way of attaining breast enhancement that was popular at the time. I tried to address an emotional behavior with a physical fix to look good. I thought I had a good reason because after giving birth to my one and only daughter, my breasts immediately went south; so I chose to fill in the gaps by implanting saline-filled silicone bags in those spaces. A much better solution would've been to learn to love myself in the natural, albeit imperfect, beauty I was uniquely given.
After the implants, although I felt confident and thought I looked great, my body didn't seem to feel good about them. Because I have very high pain tolerance, I ignored many of my symptoms after the implants. One of them that never went away but returned on and off throughout the years was a sharp pain just between my underarm and chest. It was always very uncomfortable to sleep because I am a side sleeper, and I'd have to have support between my arms. Often I'd have to sort of manually rearrange these implants inside my breasts when I moved or got up, plus exercising was never the same for me. I developed an allergy to hair dye, preventing me from ever dying my hair again. If I did it, I'd swell up like a marshmallow. I also struggled with depression and anxiety, which I partly believe were attributed to Breast Implant Illness (BII), and I will tell you why later. In fact, depression and anxiety are side effects of many plastic surgeries that aren't talked about enough or at all.
Furthermore, an increase in thoracic back pain started shortly after receiving the implants, which worsened after the first or second year because I started to slouch on purpose to hide them. I hid them because once the hype wore off, I then felt self-conscious about how big they were (and the attention I was getting because of that). Even though I pushed through the years, it was very uncomfortable.
When I think back to when I decided to get implants, I didn't even do any research to consider the pros and the cons. I didn't consider how I'd have to take care of these foreign objects in my body by replacing them or about growing old with them.
Fast forward ten years, and I knew that I should seek to replace them around this time, but I didn't have the peace to open up my body again just to replace them. I began to regret my decision, and I wanted nothing more than to remove those foreign objects that had been troubling me for the last decade. However, besides the fact that I wasn't sure if I'd done too much damage to my skin for it to simply go back, I'd met my husband years after making this decision, and I thought, what if the implants (or the way I looked) were part of his attraction to me? What will happen when I take them off? I don't judge him for it. My husband is a great man, but no matter how good anyone is, I was insecure about the element of surprise and what he might think or say when I told him that even though he'd met me this way, I now wanted to attempt to go back to looking like I did before he met me. I felt like it wasn't fair for me to suddenly do that to him and expect him to remain attracted to me. Nonetheless, I knew he loved me and wanted the best for me, and it would just take time and some getting used to. While confidence is much more beautiful than any way we look, I wasn't even sure I'd feel confident if I decided to return to my original self.
When I began to research my options for surgeons in my area who would simply remove them and restore my chest to as close to its original state as possible, I could not find one! Those I found told me that because of how many years I'd been with them (now about 18-20 years in), I would need to replace them because I might have a hole in there, and it would not look good. This option didn't give me peace, and I could not go through with it because of that.
I met with another doctor who could remove them, lift them, and transfer fat from another part of the body to fill in what might be caved in. However, besides the fact this was super expensive, I was honestly concerned that I might not make it through the surgery alive. I had no peace about that and felt so afraid to do so many procedures in one session that I decided to continue praying and researching. I'd almost resigned and put it to rest when one day, while working as a Licensed Massage Therapist, I spoke with a young lady, and the subject came up because she needed a therapeutic massage, and she couldn't go face down on my table. I naturally asked why that was. She proceeded to share how she'd gone through an explant surgery. She shared a very similar experience and made the same decision as I was hoping that I could one day. She'd explanted and felt so good and gave me her doctor's information. Of course, I consulted with him, and this was when I met Dr. Dev Vibhakar. He asked me why I wanted to remove them. The only thing that went through my mind at that moment was that I didn't want to grow old with them. I was 44 at the time. My main concern was that something could go wrong at an age that would be dangerous to undergo any kind of unnecessary surgery. I just didn't want to worry about that in my old age. He gave me so much peace and confidence that I didn't have to replace them or need fat transfer that I was ready to do it immediately. I loved how confident and conservative he was about the whole process and cared most about my health. He even made me feel satisfied that, aesthetically, I'd be just fine.
Of course, as a married woman, I wanted to discuss this with my husband, not only for the expense but also because he'd see me in a way that he'd never seen me before. I was honestly scared I might not be pleased either, and I'd have to deal with a lack of confidence. I've struggled with confidence over the years and was mentally at an okay place, and having to backtrack felt like something I wasn't ready to bear. I needed to prepare myself psychologically for a possible array of negative thoughts and feelings resulting from a decision I had made more than 20 years ago.
After having met Dr. Dev, 22 years in with those implants, my husband got to listen to one Dr. Dev's clients, Yaglin Medina. While I was watching one of her videos from her IG page @yaglin_medina where she shares the experience with explant and BII in detail, he happened to be listening to it in the background. I reached out to Yaglin to get her permission to share her name because her testimony impacted my life and it was her video that caused my husband to suddenly understand why I wanted to desperately remove the implants. After listening to her, my husband felt differently about implants and couldn't believe all the side effects I had been dealing with for years that were likely a result of them. As a result of that video, he couldn't wait for me to get rid of them as well. I'll link Yaglin's video HERE. Many of the symptoms Yaglin overcame were symptoms I struggled with, but I'd never thought they were attributed to my body continually fighting those foreign objects inside me.
I was so ready to do this and was willing to seek psychological help if necessary for any negative feelings and afterthoughts if they arose. We proceeded with our complete trust in God and in this doctor every step of the way. I was very anxious leading up to the surgery while also mentally preparing to love myself regardless of how I looked.
On the day of the procedure, Dr. Dev and his team made my husband, and I feel so comfortable that we were in peace going into surgery. As soon as I woke up from surgery, I first felt that I could breathe better! When I got up to walk, I felt lighter! I immediately felt so happy with the decision I'd made. My energy levels were at an all-time high, including a sudden sense of freedom from a mental burden. I had to remind myself to slow down and take my time to heal because I was feeling so good I was ready to do anything. We were scheduled to travel nine days after the surgery on a 9-hour flight to England, and while I felt minor discomfort, it was a great flight and trip.
I am now close to 12 weeks post-op, and I feel great. I have been relieved from even more symptoms of BII that I had no idea were attributed to the foreign objects in my body. I had mentioned anxiety and depression because I was no longer anxious in a way that kept me from reading. I had been doing audiobooks and audio Bible for quite a while because of it. I do have some history of anxiety and depression for which I was healed from, to God be the glory, and while I've been free of medication for 13 years this April, there were bouts of anxiety and moments of depression that came back from the thought of having to keep the implants in. If you'd like to hear my mental health awareness story, you can go HERE. I also had no idea that brain fog and memory struggles could be related to BII. I feel much clearer and more alert mentally and my memory has improved. Other symptoms attributed to the implants were fatigue, difficulty concentrating, headaches, depression, mood swings, and even sinus issues that affected me with headaches and light sensitivity issues. I had to wear sunglasses everywhere. I also had to keep the light off in my therapy room while at work because that seemed to be the only way not to be affected by it to avoid headaches. Now I can go anywhere without sunglasses. I keep the light on at work. I can breathe better when I am awake and asleep. I can run. I have no more upper back pain. I do not feel depressed or anxious about what I am going to do or have to do with the implants. As I continue to see physical, emotional, and mental health progression, I feel better and better each day. I am suddenly living life in the way that Jesus meant for me and us all to live, abundantly (John 10:10b). I hadn't have the energy to want to do much because of this burden for sometime. My husband is surprised at how many plans I suddenly want to make and how spontaneous I have become.
I have literally felt like God has allowed me to have a physical redemption, and I am so grateful first and foremost to Him. I am thankful to God for an understanding, caring, and supportive husband. I thank God for orchestrating my life in such a way that I was able to meet the young lady that led me to Dr. Dev, Beatice Zuluaga, who I did the first initial consult with, and the whole team at Aqua Plastic Surgery. I am also thankful to God for Yaglin Medina, for her transparency in sharing her process in such detail that helped my husband understand what I was going through and gave him hope for me. Everyone has been so kind and caring through the process and beyond, I am extremely thankful!
At the end of it all, my husband loves the new me, as do I. My confidence level has increased more than ever, and I don't want to do any other unnecessary surgical procedures. I love my imperfect self as I never have before. I hope and pray that this story, along with the many others out there, helps people to love themselves as they were created, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). While I know that there may be instances where implants are warranted, I feel like each decision made should be thoroughly researched and thought about for the present and potential future maintenance and consequences.
May you be influenced for purpose in all you do! God bless!
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