Continually addressing communication in our relationship allows us to grow both individually and together as a couple, which ultimately benefits the Church.
to the Church in our relationship?
I don't know about you, but I might think I'm doing well in some of these areas in the Church congregation, but neglecting them in my home. So, as I went over these scriptures, whenever they address the Church, I had to remind myself that my husband and I are also the Church in our home.
As I searched for scriptures on practical ways to address meetings, communication, venting, and prayer, I found that many were written for the individual as well as the Church, but not specifically for couples. Even if it might be implied, I think we need to be intentional about reflecting on scriptures not just individually or congregationally but as a couple as well, and apply them to our marriage.
For example, if the scriptures say, "and let us consider how we may spur one another toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching" (See Hebrews10:24-25), which was written for Christian fellowship, we should first practice this at home in our relationship.
Our marriage and home are our second ministry, just after our own individual relationship with God. Our ministry with the Church and serving cannot take precedence.
Therefore, when I shared earlier in the book of Hebrews chapter 10, verse 25, that we are encouraged to not give up meeting together, I had to reflect on how often my husband and I met together in our home. We take the time to meet weekly, and sometimes several times a week, at our congregation, but how many times do he and I meet in our home?
In all honesty, during the season that led to our marriage troubles, we were rarely meeting. We met when necessary but not regularly. Sometimes we didn't even have meals together due to our conflicting schedules, outside of the occasional date night.
Of course, being the problem-solvers that we tend to want to be, we had to address this. The first step was to seek help, and the second was to take action. In the case of finding time to meet with one another, we both agreed that it's best for us to meet in the mornings at the start of our day. Praise God that this is working for us!
However, life happens throughout our day, and sometime there are things we need to discuss that often can't be scheduled. Since my husband works from home, I had the habit of approaching him to speak about things as they came up. The problem is, because he works from home, he's usually WORKING. How could I have thought it was okay to address him at any time? Was it entitlement because I am his wife? Or even pride? Argh! I hate to admit it, but whenever I did, he would get upset, and then so would I. This happened more often when we weren't meeting regularly in the mornings.
Either way, we also needed to address our timing for bringing up matters that needed to be addressed during the work day. So what does the Bible say about timing? Ecclesiastes 3:1 states, "there is a time for everything..." So instead of feeling like I needed to interrupt Brett to address an issue, we agreed to be considerate of one another and seek the right timing. We now do this by simply giving each other a heads-up to request a moment from the other whenever we need to discuss something pressing. For us, it can be a verbal heads-up or sometimes even a text. By doing this, we’re allowing our mate to mentally and prayerfully prepare for the conversation.
Another issue that we needed to address was being available to just listen to our spouse vent. To vent, according to Google, is "to express or release strong emotions or energy." Sometimes, we don't need to solve anything because we just know we can't do anything about it. We know that only God can "DO IT," but we must let out our day or issue so as not to explode negatively. However, I admit I haven't always felt good about venting because I used to feel it served no purpose. However, my view of venting has changed, and now I associate venting with a confession session. Often times venting isn't to share something positive, and sometimes what we say in venting sessions could be considered a sin, which is why I associate it with a confession session. So what does the Bible say about confessions? 1 John 1:9 states, "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
So, how do we practically vent or confess to one another? We take time to let the other know we need to share how we feel, the struggle we have within, the anxious thoughts, how the day wasn't the best, etc. But, it works best when we let our spouse know ahead of time that the purpose of the conversation is just to vent, to confess, to let out the negative thoughts or emotions we are having. If we don't let our spouse know, they will likely respond with problem-solving, and not allow the venting to continue unchecked. However, when we let our spouse know, and are able to successfully vent, often times (ideally every time) this will lead to prayer. We want to leave our struggles at the foot of the cross for the Lord to have His way with them as He encourages and strengthens us.
So we've tackled meetings, timing, and venting. Consequently, as we address them biblically, we build our marriage on the foundation of God's word, which is Jesus. Building a good foundation was another one of our goals. Jesus' words recorded in Mathew 7:24 state that everyone who hears His words and takes action "will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock." And what else does the Bible say about foundations? In Luke 6:48, Jesus also stated that a person who digs deep builds a foundation on solid rock "when the floodwaters rise and break against the house, it stands firm because it is well built."
Be encouraged, Brett & Glenda Krupnick
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